“Is everybody feeling liberated?” Stephen Colbert requested on the prime of Thursday’s (April 3) version of The Late Present as he launched at President Donald Trump over his widespread commerce tariffs.
“Immediately was the primary day of buying and selling on Wall Avenue since Trump slathered our financial system in honey and staked it down subsequent to a fireplace ant hill, and the Dow Jones nosedived 1700 factors, becoming a member of the S&P and NASDAQ in having their greatest drop since 2020,” the late-night host added. “So, worst day for our financial system since COVID.”
“Just a bit reminder, this time, he’s the illness,” Colbert quipped earlier than referencing Trump’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic, saying, “I’m simply spitballing right here. Has anybody considered injecting our cash with bleach?”
Colbert did discover a silver lining, although, noting, “Now, one bit of excellent information popping out of all this, it’s all fairly stable proof that there isn’t any deep state as a result of if there was, they’d have stopped this s***.”
He continued, “Okay, but when they do exist, I simply need to say to the cabal of monetary and governmental elites who pull all of the strings behind the scenes, perhaps put a pause in your 5G chip, JFK Jr, adrenochrome, chemtrail orgy, and soar in right here as a result of we’re f****** dying.”
The comic joked that the one individuals doing properly amid the plummeting inventory market are “the proud people at DownArrow.com.”
“These tariffs are going to extend costs on the whole lot, particularly merchandise that aren’t plentiful right here, like espresso,” Colbert added. “Effectively, I assume we’ll simply swap to America’s favourite espresso substitute… meth. In case anybody’s asking, I take mine with cream and two enamel.”
He additionally famous that “chocolate” is one other “widespread factor we don’t develop right here,” joking, “So prepare for America’s favourite new sweet, M&M’s Oops All Shells.”
Colbert’s monologue got here after Trump unveiled new commerce tariffs on all items getting into america on Wednesday (April 2). From April 9, round 60 international locations can be confronted with steep tariffs in the event that they need to export items to the US, which is already having a big impact on the inventory market.
Amid all this chaos, Trump traveled to Florida to look at golf, to which Colbert responded, “Mr. President, you understand the inventory market’s not like golf, proper? You’re not making an attempt to get the bottom rating attainable.”
You possibly can watch Colbert’s full opening monologue within the video above and tell us your ideas under.
The Late Present With Stephen Colbert, Weeknights, 11:35/10:35c, CBS