Different folks is perhaps judging water parks based mostly on the fun rides or the wave pool or the meals or the facilities. I’m judging them nearly completely based mostly on the lazy river as a result of that’s the place I’m spending nearly all of my time. The sport plan is at all times the identical. I’m strolling within the entrance, paying for a locker, throwing my shirt, pockets, keys and cellphone in there, slathering on sunscreen after which instantly heading for the lazy river.
As soon as there, I’m discovering an intertube, or if I’m fortunate, a type of half chair, half intertube issues, and circumnavigating loop after loop till I die of warmth stroke or really feel like getting a sizzling canine. That’s it. That’s my solely agenda, and for nearly forty years, it has labored out completely. After my first journey this week to Common Orlando’s Volcano Bay, nonetheless, I’m beginning to query issues.
That’s as a result of Volcano Bay truly has two lazy rivers. There’s a conventional one, known as The Winding River, which is precisely what you’d anticipate. It’s a pleasant little saunter across the park that features some vibrant surroundings and the occasional impediment to traverse round. I hit it up first, clearly, and went round about 5 instances to nice success in one of many half chairs. I used to be planning to go round one other 5 instances or so when my spouse, who has been there earlier than, let me in on the large reveal concerning the second lazy river.
It’s known as The Fearless River, and it’s not precisely the laziest, nor does it require a raft. As an alternative, you placed on a life jacket and the present propels you round prefer it’s 1880 and also you simply fell out of your boat on the Mighty Mississippi. There’s the identical kinds of obstacles you’d anticipate from a conventional lazy river, the waterfalls that sneak up on you when you shut your eyes for too lengthy, the one aspect or the opposite splits it’s good to select between, and so forth, however the water is speeding a number of instances sooner than you’d usually anticipate and everyone seems to be and not using a automobile.
I’m probably not certain if there’s a confirmed technique for easy methods to finest get round, however I attempted a number of completely different positions as if I used to be doing a scientific experiment. First, I floated on my again with my ft prolonged ahead, which gave the impression to be the secure method most different folks have been taking. Then, I floated on my abdomen with my ft prolonged backwards, which was neither enjoyable nor simple to keep up. Subsequent, I attempted floating on my again with my ft behind me, however that felt like I used to be asking for a concussion. At one level, I attempted working on the bottom to attempt to enhance my pace, however I’m fairly certain it was doing the other.
Lengthy story brief, I nonetheless do not know what I’m doing, however I had a blast attempting to determine it out. Volcano Bay took an idea I’ve liked for many years and contorted it simply sufficient so it felt each acquainted and new on the identical time. I think about it’s the identical means children most likely really feel once they uncover there are extra flavors of ice cream than simply vanilla or extra drinks than simply milk and water.
You may suppose I spent the remainder of the day using The Fearless River, however I didn’t. Deep down, I’m a lazy river man, and I don’t at all times like going quick. Generally I similar to letting the present drift me wherever I have to go. So, I waffled forwards and backwards. I’d take The Winding River for awhile. Then I’d seize just a little higher than anticipated meals and wander over to The Fearless River. I’d spend just a little time there after which head again once more. It was a enjoyable little day of contrasts, and now, it has me wishing each single water park on Earth had a quick and a gradual lazy river.
Have you ever ever completed one thing for the primary time and puzzled why it took you so lengthy? That’s how I really feel proper now. I’m the most important lazy river fan I do know, and it seems up till earlier this week, I knew nothing. I’m shook but additionally extraordinarily excited to return. Perhaps subsequent time I am going to even experience it at evening.
Volcano Bay lately introduced it’s going to be eliminating its wristband system and switching to a extra conventional experience queue. Fortunately, that should not impact both of the lazy rivers. They may, nonetheless, be unavailable throughout a bigger deliberate park closure between October of 2026 and March of 2027. I suppose we’ll all simply need to suck it up and spend extra time at Common’s model new Epic Universe throughout that window, which is about to open later this month. We lately went to a preview, and spoiler alert, it is superior. Perhaps not two lazy rivers superior however shut.