Surviving the apocalypse isn’t nearly stockpiling canned beans or dodging zombies — it takes grit, guts, and a complete lot of luck.
Sadly, these TV characters are operating on empty in all three departments.
Whether or not it’s their diva calls for, incapability to adapt, or simply plain unhealthy luck, these lovable (and not-so-lovable) people wouldn’t make it to sunset in a world gone mad.
They’d both annoy their survival group, entice bother with their over-the-top antics, or simply plain journey over their very own ft.
Positive, we love them of their respective reveals, however let’s be actual — they’d be the primary ones voted off Apocalypse Island.
Let’s check out 15 TV characters who’d convey loads of drama to the top of the world however not a lot else.
Jimmy Palmer — NCIS
Jimmy Palmer from NCIS is perhaps a genius within the morgue, however in an apocalypse, he’d shortly discover himself on the mistaken aspect of the post-mortem desk.
Positive, his medical information could possibly be helpful in a pinch, however Jimmy’s lack of survival instincts would make him simple prey for zombies or raiders.
His everlasting optimism and trusting nature may lead him to staff up with the mistaken crowd — or, even worse, strive reasoning with somebody wielding a machete.
And even when Jess, Torres, or the remainder of the NCIS staff got here to his rescue, Jimmy’s hesitation and must do issues “by the guide” may get all of them killed whereas he stood there analyzing the scenario.
Flying by the seat of his pants? Not his model. Sorry, Jimmy, however lunchtime would most likely be your final meal.
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Fran High quality — The Nanny
Fran High quality from The Nanny is perhaps a method icon, however her designer heels and flashy wardrobe can be a one-way ticket to doom within the apocalypse.
Are you able to think about her attempting to outrun zombies in a leopard-print skirt — or operating in any respect? Her nasal voice alone may entice bother.
Whereas she may appeal her method right into a secure group, her diva calls for would put on skinny in report time.
Fran’s road smarts may assist her outwit a con artist, however surviving the apocalypse? Let’s simply say her hairspray received’t stand an opportunity in opposition to an indignant horde.
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Angela Norris — Landman
We’re nonetheless attending to know Angela Norris from Landman, however one factor’s already clear — she wouldn’t final two seconds within the apocalypse.
With out her cellular phone to name Tommy for assist (and let’s be actual, would he even choose up if he may?), Angela can be utterly misplaced.
Positive, she’s received the wardrobe and the appeal, and he or she may strive batting her eyelashes or flashing just a little pores and skin to attain provides, however in terms of actual survival? Overlook it.
Angela thrives on luxurious, management, and the excessive life — none of which exist in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
On the subject of survival of the fittest, Angela is about as removed from being the “fittest” as you may get.
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Harry Keshegian — The Equalizer
Harry Keshegian from The Equalizer is a grasp hacker and a whiz behind a keyboard, however within the apocalypse? His ability set can be about as helpful as dial-up web.
With out Wi-Fi, servers, or devices to crack into, Harry can be utterly misplaced, fumbling by survival.
He’s not precisely the sort to wield a weapon or construct a shelter, and his snarky angle would most likely alienate him from any survival group.
Positive, if he someway made it previous the primary sundown, he may attempt to arrange communications — assuming something helpful survived — however let’s be actual, everyone knows that’s not occurring. Harry’s toast.
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Sarah Franklin — Matlock
Sarah Franklin is perhaps an formidable junior affiliate on Matlock, however in an apocalypse, she wouldn’t final a second.
Her reliance on know-how would depart her completely misplaced as soon as the Wi-Fi went down, and her micromanaging tendencies wouldn’t win her any followers in a world the place survival — not technique — is essential.
Throw in her uptight nature, ultra-competitiveness, and the potential for her getting distracted by an enthralling survivor, and it’s apparent Sarah wouldn’t make it previous breakfast.
Sorry, Sarah, however that is one case you’re not cracking.
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Charlie Spring — Heartstopper
Charlie Spring from Heartbreaker has a coronary heart of gold, however in an apocalypse, that’s not precisely a survival ability.
His candy and empathetic nature may win over just a few allies, however his anxiousness and tendency to overthink would maintain him again when split-second choices are life or dying.
Bodily endurance? Not Charlie’s robust swimsuit. And let’s face it, his quiet, introverted vibes wouldn’t intimidate anybody — or something — on the hunt.
Charlie’s story can be heartbreakingly brief in a world the place fast pondering and grit are important.
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Bohdi — Tulsa King
Bohdi’s laid-back angle and stoner appeal may make him a lovable sidekick on Tulsa King, however in an apocalypse, he’s zombie bait.
His knack for distribution and loyalty to Dwight may give him a brief position in a barter economic system, however his anxiousness and lack of survival instincts would journey him up quick — actually.
You simply know he’d panic on the worst second, most likely fumbling a weapon or attempting to cause with a flesh-eater.
With out somebody like Dwight to maintain him secure, Bohdi wouldn’t see Day Two.
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Charles Hayden-Savage — Solely Murders within the Constructing
Charles-Hayden Savage from Solely Murders within the Constructing is perhaps nice at cracking homicide mysteries, however the apocalypse doesn’t care who killed whom — it’s about staying alive.
His overthinking and awkward social abilities can be main liabilities in a world the place fast motion and flexibility are all the things.
Positive, we noticed him step as much as save Mabel on Solely Murders within the Constructing Season 4 Episode 10, and perhaps he’d faucet into that aspect of him for a second.
However let’s face it — Charles would spend an excessive amount of time crafting the right survival plan, solely to finish up as zombie chow earlier than the 1st step.
His doom? Overplanning himself proper into the grave.
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Claude Whelan — Gradual Horses
Claude Whelan is perhaps First Desk on Gradual Horses, however in an apocalypse, his bureaucratic finesse and political video games wouldn’t get him far.
He’d waste treasured time attempting to reveal the final remnants of presidency secrets and techniques as a substitute of specializing in survival — or worse, on truly serving to others.
Used to the consolation of managerial roles and desk obligation, Claude has zero area expertise, leaving him utterly out of his depth.
His obsession with construction and tendency to overanalyze would grind him to a halt when fast motion is required.
And and not using a staff of operatives to bail him out (as in the event that they’d hassle), Claude wouldn’t survive lengthy sufficient to listen to the apocalypse’s last act.
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Rue Bennett — Euphoria
Rue Bennett’s sharp wit and knack for getting out of sticky conditions on Euphoria may purchase her just a few hours within the apocalypse, however let’s be actual — she wouldn’t final the day.
Her struggles with dependancy and tendency to self-sabotage would put her at an enormous drawback in a world the place focus and resilience are all the things.
Rue’s impulsive choices and lack of survival instincts would shortly lead her into hazard.
Whereas she’s intelligent sufficient to hustle for sources, the apocalypse calls for greater than road smarts, and Rue’s chaos would meet up with her quick.
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Lucy Chen — The Rookie
Lucy Chen’s police coaching may look like a bonus within the apocalypse, however her emotional tendencies and overthinking may spell bother.
Whereas she’s bodily succesful and nice underneath structured strain on The Rookie, the unpredictable nature of survival situations would throw her off.
Lucy’s robust ethical compass and empathy — usually admirable traits — may trigger her to hesitate when ruthless choices are vital.
With out Tim Bradford to push her out of her consolation zone, Lucy may battle to adapt shortly sufficient, making her a simple goal for each zombies and cutthroat survivors.
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Hope McCrea — Virgin River
Hope McCrea’s fiery character and take-charge angle may assist her rally a neighborhood in Virgin River, however within the apocalypse? Not a lot.
Her stubbornness and refusal to again down would have her butting heads with nearly everybody, and her meddling would fire up pointless drama in any survival group.
Add in her well being points and restricted stamina, and Hope wouldn’t stand an opportunity in opposition to the tough realities of survival.
She’d most likely spend her final moments attempting to arrange an apocalypse city corridor.
And truthfully, since she’s probably the most annoying characters on TV, we’re not precisely shedding tears when the apocalypse says, “Bye-bye, Hope.”
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Wilhelmina Slater — Ugly Betty
Wilhelmina Slater’s cutthroat ambition and impeccable model might need dominated the style world on Ugly Betty, however she’d be a strolling catastrophe in an apocalypse.
Excessive heels and designer robes aren’t precisely sensible for outrunning zombies or scavenging for provides.
Her diva angle and tendency to alienate everybody round her would make forming alliances inconceivable.
And let’s face it — Wilhelmina’s survival technique would most likely contain bribing a zombie with a Birkin bag.
She wouldn’t final lengthy earlier than realizing the apocalypse has no room for couture.
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Rosemary Coulter — When Calls the Coronary heart
Rosemary Coulter’s dramatic aptitude and willpower may make her the lifetime of the social gathering in Hope Valley on When Calls the Coronary heart, however within the apocalypse, she’d be toast.
Her love for the finer issues and knack for stirring up just a little chaos would conflict laborious with survival’s grit and dirt.
Whereas she’s resourceful and may rally individuals, her tendency to micromanage and demand on doing issues her method would result in catastrophe.
Let’s be actual: Rosemary would attempt to flip a bunker right into a Broadway stage, full with curtains and a highlight.
The zombies? They’d give her a standing ovation — proper earlier than making her the star of their dinner present.
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Schmidt — New Lady
Schmidt from New Lady has an unnatural obsession with cleanliness and designer all the things, which might make him an entire legal responsibility within the apocalypse.
Are you able to image him attempting to ration face lotions or panicking over the dearth of artisanal meals?
Whereas his charisma and willpower may assist him speak his method right into a survival group, his over-the-top calls for and incapability to adapt to the filth and chaos of post-apocalyptic life would get him booted — or eaten.
Schmidt wouldn’t even make it to sundown earlier than realizing the apocalypse has no time for pocket squares or completely toasted bagels.
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Who Would You Wager on to Survive?
That wraps up our checklist of TV characters who’d be apocalypse useless weight — however hey, perhaps we’re mistaken, and certainly one of them would shock us (okay, most likely not).
Who do you assume can be the primary to go, and who may truly pull off a survival miracle?
Tell us within the feedback.
And when you’re at it, inform us who else you’d add to the checklist of characters who’d flunk the apocalypse!