The Indian movie business has given us some valuable gems through the years. Heartfelt romances, high-octane motion, and, look forward to it… full-on cringe! Aur wo cringe hello kya jisko dekh ke you don’t say…. “Yeh kisne banaya hai bhaisaab?” So, I’ve determined to take issues into my very own palms and write a sequence of grievance emails in your behalf to every of them. #OpenLetters
1) Important Prem Ki Deewani Hoon – Starring Prem, Prem & Papa Ki Pari!
Expensive Hrithik,
I hope this letter finds you in as fine condition as your sculpted physique, which is, let’s face it, one of many few highlights we are able to depend on in your movies. So, I just lately revisited Important Prem Ki Diwani Hoon. Sure, that one. The one which has lingered in our reminiscences for all of the improper causes. Delivering a efficiency like that with such conviction takes a particular form of braveness. So kudos!
I’m not sure what went by way of your thoughts whenever you signed up for this. Did you maybe get swept up within the grandiosity of Sooraj Barjatya’s imaginative and prescient? Or possibly it was the attract of taking part in a personality named Prem (as a result of, you already know, that title has labored wonders for a sure Bhai)? Regardless of the cause, let’s simply say that Important Prem Ki Diwani Hoon was… an expertise.
Hrithik, you’re a superb actor, and nobody’s denying that. We’ve seen you nail difficult roles with such finesse that they’ve turn out to be benchmarks in Bollywood. However Important Prem Ki Diwani Hoon? That was not it. The over-the-top theatrics, the cartoonish expressions, the weird love triangle—this was much less of a film and extra of a case research on how to not deal with a love story. It was like watching a hurricane of melodrama, full with gale-force feelings and a twister of exaggerated dialogue supply.
Let’s discuss your chemistry with Kareena Kapoor, we could? I’ve seen higher sparks in a dying firecracker. You had been each in several films, attempting to outdo one another within the “Who will be extra dramatic” contest. After which there’s the CGI parrot, which deserves an honorary point out for being probably the most unintentionally hilarious sidekick ever.
I get it, Hrithik. You had been most likely attempting to discover new territories, break free from the macho picture, and showcase your vary as an actor. However typically, it’s okay to step again and ask, “Is that this a good suggestion?” I’m certain you’ve discovered quite a bit since then—like, possibly, dialing down the passion when the script calls for subtlety.
Don’t get me improper; I’m nonetheless a fan. Who isn’t? You’ve redeemed your self one million occasions with performances which have left us all in awe. However Important Prem Ki Diwani Hoon? That’s a chapter greatest left within the archives of “What Have been They Pondering?”
2) Prem Aggan – Starring 90s ka catastrophe bundle!
Expensive Fardeen,
This letter finds you effectively, maybe lounging someplace and reminiscing in regards to the glory days when the 90s had been a whirlwind of frosted suggestions and leather-based jackets. Talking of the 90s, let’s make a journey down reminiscence lane to a movie that, let’s assume, left fairly an impression—Prem Aggan. The cinematic masterpiece that was meant to launch you into superstardom however as a substitute left us all questioning if we had simply witnessed a really elaborate prank.
Now, Fardeen, I perceive that making a grand entrance into Bollywood is not any straightforward feat. You have got a legacy to uphold, being the son of the legendary Feroz Khan, and people are some large sneakers to fill. However Prem Aggan? I can’t assist however surprise if these sneakers had been a dimension too large, and also you tripped over them, face-first, right into a plot that defied logic, cause, and style.
Let’s discuss your character, Suraj. Was he presupposed to be the quintessential brooding lover or a misunderstood insurgent? As a result of we bought a perplexing mixture of each, with a splash of unintentional comedy. The dialogues, Fardeen—oh, the dialogues! They had been the type that made us query not simply the script but additionally our personal life selections for watching it. And the supply? Let’s simply say that monotony and overacting are two sides of a coin that stored flipping all through the movie.
To place it mildly, the chemistry with Meghna Kothari was like watching two mannequins making an attempt to emote. The romance was as fiery as a humid matchstick, and the dramatic scenes? Let’s simply say I’ve seen extra emotion in a rock. And the dance sequences? Fardeen, you moved like somebody who simply found they’ve legs and aren’t certain how they work but. You gave it your all, and for that, I salute you.
I’m certain on the time, it felt like a daring, daring transfer—starring in a movie with a storyline as elusive as a coherent plot twist. Maybe it was an try to carve out your area of interest, to be the poster boy for the brand new era of Bollywood. As a substitute, Prem Aggan turned a type of movies that we glance again on with a mixture of nostalgia and horror, like a foul haircut from highschool that we faux by no means occurred.
However let’s be trustworthy, Fardeen: you’ve grown as an actor and individual since then. You’ve made your mark in Bollywood uniquely, with performances starting from surprisingly good to Prem Aggan. It’s all a part of the journey, proper? All of us have these moments we’d relatively overlook, however they make for nice tales in a while—just like the time you starred in Prem Aggan and by some means survived to inform the story.
3) Himmatwala & Humshakals – Starring whoever was accessible at the moment!
Expensive Mr. Khan
I hope this letter finds you in good well being. I’m undecided the way it feels to have a failure for a movie that you simply made with a lot conviction and audacity. If this makes you are feeling any higher, sure, I noticed Humshakals. I noticed it not as a result of I wished to see you come back to your area with slapstick comedy however as a result of I had learn so many unhealthy issues about it that it made me curious. Sajid, you mentioned in an interview that you simply had a TV present the place you began every episode by saying, “Hum pagal nahi hain, hamara dimaag kharaab hai.” Granted, it fits you effectively, however that was a line written within the 90s for you. You could come out of your childhood/juvenile years. Such as you made Himmatwala as a result of it was your favourite childhood flick, you made Humshakals as a result of it was your favourite pickup line, and also you used it a zillion occasions within the script. Sweetheart, aisa nahi hota hai! When selecting up actors, please bear in mind Saif Ali Khan or John Abraham (Housefull 2) can’t make each movie look glamorous and upmarket, not whenever you make them look and act like retards. Your heroines are restricted to being eye candies, besides I’m not certain if the women qualify as the identical. This was not your first movie, so I can’t provide the advantage of the doubt. You have got made errors prior to now, and then you definately go on to make blunders. Haven’t you discovered something out of your super-confident sister? Do you bear in mind you fell into the identical clan as Zoya, Farhan, and Javed Akhtar? Have you learnt what it means to have a humorousness, write, direct, or dwell? However I really feel for you. I do. I apologize to all of the critics who trashed Humshakals and known as you names. Insaaniyat ab iss duniya mein nahi rahi Sajid Bhai. Subsequently, I humbly request you to please go to Dr. M.M. Patil E C, Member of Indian Psychiatric Society Karnataka (no, his initials don’t make up a phrase you may snort at).
4) Love Story 2050 – Starring Mrs. Jonas & Jo Na Ho Saka!
Expensive Priyanka,
I hope this letter finds you basking within the glow of your well-deserved world stardom, conquering new frontiers, and including extra feathers to your already crowded cap. However earlier than we discuss your present-day successes, let’s rewind to a time whenever you, me, and lots of unsuspecting moviegoers had been taken on a really… futuristic trip—Love Story 2050. Ah, sure, the sci-fi magnum opus that left us all questioning if we had by chance stepped right into a parallel universe the place logic was optionally available.
Priyanka, you’ve at all times been identified in your daring selections, however Love Story 2050 was on one other stage. It was the form of daring that made us query, “Is that this occurring?”—and never in one of the simplest ways. Let’s be trustworthy: the 12 months 2050 may nonetheless be just a few many years away, however I’m fairly certain nobody is anticipating a future that appears like a cross between a online game glitch and a sweet retailer explosion.
Your portrayal of Sana and Zeisha—sure, two characters in a single movie, as a result of why not—was a courageous try at displaying versatility. However the movie itself? It felt like somebody threw a bunch of futuristic clichés right into a blender after which hit “turbo” with out checking the lid. Flying vehicles, speaking teddy bears, and a love story that defied all time and area left us with extra questions than solutions.
The visible results, Priyanka, oh, the visible results! If solely the know-how had been as bold because the plot, we would have had one thing value celebrating. As a substitute, we bought a neon-colored, over-the-top spectacle that regarded prefer it was designed on a finances meant for a celebration, not a Bollywood blockbuster.
However let’s not overlook your dedication to the function(s). You gave it your all, and we may see that you simply genuinely believed within the undertaking. Your dedication is rarely unsure, however typically even probably the most earnest efforts can’t save a script written in a galaxy removed from what the viewers was ready for. The movie’s dialogue was as futuristic because it was unintentionally hilarious.
I get it, Priyanka. You had been exploring new territory, pushing boundaries, and attempting to redefine what Bollywood might be. However Love Story 2050? That was an excessive amount of, too quickly, for all of us. It was like being promised a connoisseur meal and a microwaved dinner as a substitute. All of us have moments of experimenting within the kitchen of life, proper?
You’ve achieved unimaginable issues regardless of every thing, proving that one misstep doesn’t outline a profession. You’ve turn out to be a worldwide icon, a drive to be reckoned with, and we’re all so pleased with you. However Love Story 2050? Let’s simply agree to depart that one within the time capsule the place it belongs, to be unearthed by future generations who may recognize its distinctive model of one thing.
5) Khoobsoorat – Starring Fawad Khan
Expensive Sonam
Disasters are occurring worldwide; I’m certain you learn hashtags about them on Twitter. There are earthquakes, tsunamis, terrorist assaults, floods, famines, epidemics, wars, after which there are your films. I’m an avid cinema lover, and it’s protected to say that I’ve seen sufficient films to move this judgment. Child, ghar mein baith ke juice peel, buying karo, Papa ki baat suno, do every thing however cease doing movies. Everyone seems to be entitled to creating errors and improper selections, however honey, galti har baar nahi ho sakti hai. Perhaps the script does sound good, and your character does appear important, however you spoil it along with your horrible voice and an insincere effort at appearing. I watched Khoobsoorat just for Fawad Khan (I’m certain you already know everybody has just for him), however I used to be aggravated past evaluate, because of you. Therefore, it’s my humble request, please don’t torture us anymore. Please cease appearing. Please simply cease. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
6) Neal ‘n’ Nikki – Starring Neil & Nikki
Expensive Uday Chopra,
I hope this letter finds you in good spirits, maybe lounging on a seashore someplace, removed from the reminiscences of particular cinematic adventures we’ll be diving into as we speak. Let’s make a journey down reminiscence lane to 2005—a 12 months that gifted us with Neil ‘n’ Nikki, a movie that, for higher or worse, has etched itself into the annals of Bollywood historical past.
Uday, the place do I even start? Neil ‘n’ Nikki was a film that promised a whirlwind of romance, enjoyable, and modern-day relationships. As a substitute, we bought an eye-popping, head-scratching rollercoaster that left most of us questioning if we had simply witnessed the last word mid-2000s fever dream. You gave the impression to be having a blast taking part in the function of Neil, however for these of us watching, it was extra of a cautionary story about what occurs whenever you combine over-the-top antics with a plot thinner than air.
Let’s discuss Neil, we could? A personality who appeared perpetually caught in a state of frat-boy enthusiasm, as if he had simply found the idea of “cool” and determined to overdose on it. You had been charming, little question, however there’s solely a lot attraction can do when it’s buried beneath layers of cringe-worthy dialogue, questionable style selections (these low-rise denims, Uday!), and a storyline that gave the impression to be going in every single place and nowhere.
After which there’s Nikki, performed by Tanisha Mukerji. The chemistry between Neil and Nikki was, how ought to I put this, like watching two folks attempt to clear up a jigsaw puzzle with items that don’t fairly match collectively? The movie was presupposed to be a enjoyable romp by way of trendy courting, however as a substitute, it felt like an prolonged commercial for a way to not navigate relationships. The fixed banter, the random escapades, and the pressured love-hate dynamics had been like a Bollywood rom-com on steroids, however with out the important dose of coronary heart.
I’ve to ask, Uday, was there ever a second throughout the making of Neil ‘n’ Nikki the place you thought, “Are we certain about this?” As a result of, from the place we had been sitting, it appeared like a sequence of questionable selections strung collectively by the thinnest of threads. The movie was a daring try at being “completely different,” however typically completely different isn’t at all times higher—particularly when the consequence leaves the viewers extra bewildered than entertained.
7) Prem Ratan Dhan Payo – Bhai ka sanskaari cringe!
Expensive Bhai,
I hope this letter finds you in excessive spirits, having fun with a quiet second at your farmhouse or prepping in your subsequent large launch. However earlier than we discuss in regards to the future, let’s stroll down reminiscence lane to 2015—a 12 months that introduced us Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, a movie that reminded us that typically, the previous ought to most likely keep prior to now.
Salman Bhai, you’ve been synonymous with blockbuster hits, larger-than-life roles, and that unbeatable attraction that makes followers go weak within the knees. So when Prem Ratan Dhan Payo was introduced, with you returning as Prem—our beloved sanskaari hero from the 90s—expectations had been sky-high. We thought we had been in for a nostalgic deal with, a visit again to the golden period of household dramas and melodic music. However what we bought as a substitute was, effectively, one thing fully completely different.
Let’s discuss Prem, or ought to I say, the double dose of Prem. The quintessential good man who can do no improper sings and dances by way of life’s challenges, was again. However this time, it felt like he had overdosed on syrupy sweetness, leaving us with a sugar rush that wasn’t fully nice. You had been charming as at all times, however the character felt like a relic from a bygone period, struggling to search out relevance in a world that had moved on from overly saccharine tales of household values and princely woes.
After which there was the story. Bhai, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo had all the weather of a grand Bollywood saga—palaces, royal intrigue, long-lost brothers, and that quintessential Salman Khan romance. However by some means, all of it got here collectively in a method that felt much less like a coherent movie and extra like a unending marriage ceremony video. The opulence, the grandeur, the songs that felt designed to be performed on a loop at each shaadi for the subsequent decade—it was all a bit an excessive amount of. It’s as if the film was attempting to be a celebration however forgot that even celebrations want a break.
Sonam Kapoor, your on-screen princess, was pleasant, however the chemistry between you two felt like a distant cousin attempting to make small discuss at a household gathering. The romance was there, but it surely was buried beneath layers of elaborate set items, conventional costumes, and dialogue that would have been pulled from a 90s time capsule. The movie tried so arduous to seize the magic of the previous, but it surely ended up feeling caught in it.
I get it, Bhai. Prem Ratan Dhan Payo was presupposed to be a return to the basic household entertainer, the form of movie that warms the center and brings the entire household collectively. However in attempting to recreate that magic, it forgot that the viewers had developed, that we wished greater than only a rehash of outdated tropes with a recent coat of glitter. We had been searching for a narrative with depth, characters with layers, and a story that would resonate past the confines of a palace.
However let’s not overlook, Salman Bhai, that Prem Ratan Dhan Payo had its moments and flaws. It gave us some catchy tunes, a visible spectacle, and a reminder of why you’re nonetheless the beloved Prem of Indian cinema. It was a movie that dared to be grand, to be larger-than-life, and in that, it succeeded—even when it did so in a method that left us with a little bit of a cinematic hangover.
For extra such tales, keep tuned to Koimoi.
Should Learn: Expensive Shah Rukh Khan, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Tum Nahi Samjhoge Why I Fell In Love With You 59 Instances – However Right here’s 1 Purpose I Hate You!
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