Unless you live in the middle of the woods, you likely have neighbors. and most of the time (at least from my experience), our neighbors unfortunately tend to be more like Homer Simspson than Ned Flanders (whom I know quite a bit about as a Simpsons superfan).
However, as somebody who has watched a lot of sitcoms in my day, I can tell you that not all TV neighbors are created equally. In fact, most neighbors, for comical reasons, are the kinds who I would NEVER want to live next to – And I’ve included them on this list.
That said, there are a few who I would love to sing, “Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won’t you be my neighbor?” to. So, here’s a list of both kinds of neighbors.
Would Welcome: Ned Flanders (The Simpsons)
As already mentioned, Ned Flanders is the ideal neighbor (and undoubtedly one of the best Simpsons characters who has been in some of the best episodes). Sure, he’s a little preachy, but his heart is ALWAYS in the right place. Not only that, but he’s also always looking out for people – even when they’re at their worst (like Homer).
A two time widower, Ned is also a devoted father who is doing his best to raise his children right. He brings great value to Evergreen Terrace, never tries to get in anybody’s way, and I would trust him with babysitting my kids, which is always a plus.
If there’s any one issue that I have with Ned (and this is a me thing), it’s that he seems like the kind of neighbor who likes to host events that the whole neighborhood is invited to. And, I’m more of a, “Hello, how are you doing?” kind of neighbor who is just creating small talk and doesn’t really care about how you’re doing. But again, that’s more a me thing.
Would Make Me Miserable: Cosmo Kramer (Seinfeld)
Oh, God. Seinfeld’s exasperating neighbor, Kramer (Michael Richards) would be an absolute nightmare to live next to. For one thing, since he can’t just barge into my house like he does with Jerry (I lock my doors, you see), he’d probably hide in my bushes and rush out when he’d see me coming.
He also seems to attract weirdos, like Newman, and before you know it, I’d have him knocking on my door (“Hello, Newman.” “Hello, Richard.”). Kramer is also perpetually needy, as he’s always asking for something and then promising to give it back (sometimes to worse results).
However, the worst thing about Kramer is that he doesn’t seem to realize just how annoying he can be. Sure, Kramer plays a prominent role in a lot of the best Seinfeld episodes, and he’s certainly had some of the funniest moments, but that’s on TV. Let Kramer stay Jerry’s problem!
Would Welcome: Wilson (Home Improvement)
Honestly, when it comes to neighbors on this list, Wilson (Earl Hindman) from Home Improvement might be the very best for me personally. For one thing, as an introvert who occasionally likes talking to people, Wilson would seemingly be there whenever I’m in the mood to talk, which is selfish, I know, but important for me.
He’s also always doing something interesting outside, and almost always has something insightful to say. Not only that, but he’s a real bon vivant, sharing stories about where he’s been around the world, and all manner of fascinating things.
Wilson is by far one of the most ideal neighbors in sitcom history, and I’d love to go over to my fence to talk to him. I mean, I love my real neighbors (They have a cool dog named Knight…no relation), but Wilson just seems perfect. Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor is so lucky to have him!
Would Make Me Miserable: Bruh-Man (Martin)
Oh, bother. Now, here’s the thing. Similar to Kramer, I probably wouldn’t even have a problem with Bruh-Man (Reginald Ballard) since I live in a house, and not in an apartment. But, let’s just say that Bruh-Man from Martin (Which is one of the best Black sitcoms from the ‘90s) did live in a house next door. What would I have to deal with then?
Well, I’d probably have to deal with constantly seeing him on my Ring Camera, since Bruh-Man (from the fifth ‘flo) is always somehow around Martin. Not only that, but he’d probably go through my drawers or raid my fridge if I ever invited him inside. Maybe both.
And, the thing is, he wouldn’t even see anything wrong with this. He’d just say, “Oh, was I not supposed to rifle through your business?” and he’d mean it! Because he’s not being malicious or anything like that. He just doesn’t understand the meaning of personal space, which would drive me insane! Chill, Bruh-Man, chill!
Would Welcome: Fred And Ethel Mertz (I Love Lucy)
Now, as somebody who doesn’t like being in uncomfortable situations, a part of me feels like I might regret wanting Fred and Ethel Mertz (William Frawley and Vivian Vance, respectively) to be my neighbors. And, that’s because they would often bicker quite a bit and not even worry that Lucy and Ricky were literally just sitting right there.
But then, I think about all of the silly antics that Fred and Ethel would get into, and I kind of change my tune. Because Fred and Ethel seem like they’d be really fun neighbors. They’re the kind who can teach you how to dance, or join you for chocolate dipping just because they want to be there for you.
They’re also entirely unpretentious and seem like they would genuinely just enjoy being around you. The only issue is that they’re kind of a package deal. But, that’s fine when they’re both so much fun to be around.
Would Make Me Miserable: Quagmire (Family Guy)
One kind of person I would not want to live next to is a sex offender, but that’s pretty much Quagmire. And look, I’m not trying to kink shame, but I’m a little too old to be living next to a sexaholic.
Plus, while I respect that he doesn’t hit on Peter’s wife, it’s not cool that Quagmire immediately hit on Meg once she turned 18. I mean, who does that? Quagmire. That’s who.
That said, a part of me feels like Quagmire would probably leave me alone since I wouldn’t be the kind of neighbor who finds his impulses funny, unlike Peter. Even so, I prefer not feeling like there’s somebody always peeking through their blinds at women walking down the street, thank you very much.
Would Welcome: Penny (The Big Bang Theory)
Do you know why I love Penny (Kaley Cuoco)? It’s because she’s so down to earth. She lives next to geniuses, but they all come to her because she’s kind-hearted and a great listener. She also pretty much befriends anyone she meets.
I also love her personality and the fact that she’s such a go-getter. When life deals her a blow, she pushes through it, which is a unique trait.
I mostly want her as a neighbor though because she’d be the type to just wave and go inside her house, which is truly my perfect neighbor.
Would Make Me Miserable: Steve Urkel (Family Matters)
Lastly is Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who I would absolutely dread. It’s not that Steve is a bad kid, as he’s sweet and plays the accordion. Who could hate that?
But, he’s also really annoying. And clumsy! Two things that don’t go well together. I’d also have to worry about him always coming around, which I can’t take. I need quiet, please! Also, nobody needs a potential cheese thief.
Despite all that, Steve is a nice kid, and it’s really not him. It’s me!
But, how about you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!