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    Home»Hollywood»32 Hilarious Patrice O’Neal Quotes That Make Me Miss The Stand-Up Legend
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    32 Hilarious Patrice O’Neal Quotes That Make Me Miss The Stand-Up Legend

    David GroveBy David GroveMarch 28, 202513 Mins Read
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    32 Hilarious Patrice O’Neal Quotes That Make Me Miss The Stand-Up Legend
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    One of the beloved comedians who died too quickly is Patrice O’Neal, who handed away on the age of 41 in 2011 attributable to a stroke attributable to his Kind 2 diabetes. He by no means shied away from joking about his illness, in addition to many different matters that a number of in his area wouldn’t dare contact.

    Nevertheless, O’Neal’s mastery of the artwork turned his brazen philosophies in comedic gold, making the lack of his good expertise all of the extra heartbreaking. Have fun his criminally quick life and profession by reliving a number of the funniest issues he has ever mentioned.

    Patrice O'Neal on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

    (Picture credit score: NBC)

    “How Many Thought Patrice O’Neal Was A Beautiful White [Irish] Lady?”

    Patrice O’Neal had an ideal humorousness about himself, together with his unlikely identify. He acknowledged this when showing reverse late night time discuss present host Jimmy Fallon on Late Evening in 2011, and requested the viewers what number of of them knew who he was earlier than he walked out on stage.

    Patrice O'Neal performing in his stand-up comedy special, Elephant in the Room

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “Dishonest Is For You”

    In O’Neal’s first and solely feature-length particular, Elephant within the Room (among the best stand-up comedy specials on Paramount+), he voices a couple of shocking opinions about romance. As an example, on this bit, he explains that adultery is a approach for males to have an excellent time dwelling out their fantasies with different girls, however with out letting their important different know in an effort to maintain from hurting her emotions.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy in Patrice O'Neal Live!

    (Picture credit score: 800 Pound Gorilla Media)

    “I am Lactose Illiberal, However If I Eat These Cookies, I Gotta Have Some Milk”

    In 2002, the comic launched a half-hour particular referred to as Patrice O’Neal Reside, through which he discusses his struggles with diabetes. Regardless of the sickness, he would nonetheless have bother abstaining from desserts, similar to white chocolate-covered Oreos. He even admits that he has thought-about placing his well being in additional hazard by consuming milk with the cookies.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “I Imagine Folks Are Responsible Or Harmless Primarily based On The Reality Of Whether or not I Assume They Are Or Not”

    His 2005 episode of HBO’s One Evening Stand (accessible with a Max subscription) is without doubt one of the stronger examples of his risqué model of humor. At one level, he argues for the innocence of sure high-profile figures placed on trial primarily based on his personal opinion, believing he doesn’t want proof or a jury choice, however only a feeling in regards to the case that informs his private verdict.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on Late Night with Conan O'Brien

    (Picture credit score: NBC)

    “You are Not Supposed To Be Ready To Flip Your Attracts Backwards And They Match Higher”

    O’Neal had no bother poking enjoyable at his weight and did so when he appeared on Late Evening with Conan O’Brien in 1997. This quote is his approach of explaining why he believes that the worst type of weight problems is when what seems to be a second rear finish kinds below your abdomen.

    Your Day by day Mix of Leisure Information

    Patrice O'Neal performing in his stand-up comedy special, Elephant in the Room

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “If I Had To Spell ‘Restaurant’ To Save My Mom’s Life…”

    In a bit from Elephant within the Room, the comic defined how tough it will be for him to spell sure phrases. He then imagines a state of affairs through which his personal mom’s life depends on whether or not or not he can spell “restaurant.”

    Patrice O'Neal on Late Night with Conan O'Brien

    (Picture credit score: NBC)

    “All White Guys Used To Play In The NBA… Look How Far We have Come As A Folks The place No one Needs To Watch 10 White Dudes Play Basketball.”

    Throughout a 1998 look on Late Evening with Conan O’Brien, he illustrated the progress Black individuals have made by reminding the group that the NBA was initially dominated by white athletes.

    Patrice O'Neal performing at the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “He Proved That No one Can Hold A Sheen Down. They Can Hold An Estevez Down… And He is The Good One”

    Regardless of the controversial conduct that led to Charlie Sheen getting fired from Two and a Half Males, his polarizing ramblings really earned the respect of Patrice O’Neal. The comedian expressed this throughout Comedy Central’s hilarious celeb roast of the actor in a bit that additionally offers his older brother, Emilio Estevez, a little bit of a tough time.

    Patrice O'Neal on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

    (Picture credit score: NBC)

    “I Named It That As a result of I am Fats”

    He made his first and final look on Late Evening with Jimmy Fallon to advertise his particular, Elephant within the Room, which he explains has a double-meaning referring to his weight and his boldness to say what others could not dare to say out loud. He goes on to say that, had he been a “regular-size particular person” and given the particular that very same title, it will have appeared like a corny, self-congratulatory factor.

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    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “I Assume I May Kill A Fish As a result of Fish Do not Have Eyelids… So, They Do not Have No Unhappy Face”

    Primarily based on this bit, the star appears to have had no real interest in searching. Nevertheless, it seems to be like he may have gotten behind fishing due to the clean stare the fish would give him at their time of dying.

    Patrice O'Neal performing in his stand-up comedy special, Elephant in the Room

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “Court docket Stenographer? You Know, That Do not Make Me Really feel Snug”

    Patrice O’Neal as soon as carried out a present at a well-known New York comedy membership referred to as Caroline’s that was made to be inclusive for non-hearing audiences by that includes an American Signal Language translator and a person typing the comedians’ set to be displayed on a digital marquee above the stage. Early on in his set, he mentions how the “stenographer’s” presence makes him really feel like he’s being placed on trial.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “I am A Closet Beatles Fan”

    Patrice O’Neal had a bit about Black individuals needing to “act cool” on a relentless foundation, which suggests concealing sure details about themselves. He then explains that he retains his love of The Beatles quiet as a result of he wouldn’t be capable of set the correct, cool vibe whereas driving via Harlem and blaring “Yellow Submarine” via his audio system.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy in Patrice O'Neal Live!

    (Picture credit score: 800 Pound Gorilla Media)

    “We Name Our Champions ‘World Champions,’ However We Do not Play No one Else”

    O’Neal commented on America’s vanity by itemizing multiples causes to again up the declare. One of many funniest factors out how U.S. athletic groups give themselves titles that declare them international winners, even when their competitors was home.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “I will Step Over A Dying [Person] To Get To A Kitten With A Damage Paw”

    As one may probably guess from the character of a few of his materials, Patrice O’Neal had a little bit of a cynical view on the human race. He even went as far to say that he prefers animals, which I do not suppose too many individuals would fault him for.

    Patrice O'Neal on The Green Room

    (Picture credit score: Showtime)

    “The Thought Of Comedy, Actually, Is Not All people Ought to Be Laughing. It Ought to Be About 50 Folks Laughing And 50 Folks Horrified”

    He summed up his strategy to stand-up comedy superbly whereas showing on the Showtime discuss present, The Inexperienced Room with Paul Provenza, together with friends Bob Saget, Roseanne Barr, and Sandra Bernhard. He makes a convincing argument for why getting the entire viewers on the identical web page with the comedian shouldn’t be as very best as dividing them and making the dialog surrounding the jokes much more attention-grabbing.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy in Patrice O'Neal Live!

    (Picture credit score: 800 Pound Gorilla Media)

    “I Would Love To Hear On The Information, ‘Six Tractors Had been Hijacked At present…'”

    Did you ever discover how, particularly in one of the best motion films, the worst crimes and terrorist assaults happen in New York Metropolis? Properly, Patrice O’Neal actually observed and thought it will be attention-grabbing to see a violent scenario happen in a extra rural state like Nebraska.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on Late Night with Conan O'Brien

    (Picture credit score: NBC)

    “That is Why I At all times Hold An Alibi. I Accumulate Receipts… I By no means Go Extra Than A Half An Hour With out Shopping for One thing”

    One in every of O’Neal’s most signature bits sees him clarify how, attributable to his worry of being accused of against the law he didn’t commit, he would always purchase gadgets and accumulate the receipts so there could be a paper path of his whereabouts. On events when there wouldn’t be a receipt accessible, he would purposefully get in an argument with the clerk to make a long-lasting impression and make observe of the time he was there within the dialog earlier than leaving.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs Festival

    (Picture credit score: Simply For Laughs)

    “Now I Have To Lose Weight To Keep Alive… And That is Not Sufficient Motivation For Me”

    Even with a life-threatening situation like diabetes, the humorous man mentioned he may barely carry himself to make the modifications essential to extend his life. Clearly, he mentioned this in jest, however the bit takes on a darker tone on reflection.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “I am So Conceited, After I Journey To Different Nations, I Refer To Folks In Their Personal County As Foreigners”

    Patrice O’Neal doubles down on this bit by including, “I act like they’re visiting me.” He then refers to a time he complained in regards to the spaghetti he had in Italy.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy in Patrice O'Neal Live!

    (Picture credit score: 800 Pound Gorilla Media)

    “Can You Kind A Center Finger At Him?”

    When acting at a comedy present to learn the non-hearing neighborhood at Caroline’s on Broadway, Patrice O’Neal requested the stenographer typing out his set on a digital marquee above the stage to create an insulting gesture for an viewers member on his behalf.

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    Patrice O'Neal performing in his stand-up comedy special, Elephant in the Room

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “I might Reasonably You Be Lifeless Than To Break Your Coronary heart”

    Patrice O’Neal has a bit from Elephant within the Room through which he reveals that males fantasize about killing their important others as a way of catharsis. He additional explains that he would fairly see his lover lifeless than to see her cry over one thing that was his fault.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “I Discovered Karate From All The Totally different Methods I Would Flush Public Bathrooms Trigger I Did not Wanna Contact [Them]”

    On this bit, O’Neal demonstrates how he would attempt to fastidiously flush a public rest room in a approach that resembles a martial arts method, together with a chop or a kick. I think about there are numerous individuals who can relate to this and may really feel that they might name themselves a black belt by that logic.

    Patrice O'Neal on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

    (Picture credit score: NBC)

    “Folks Do not Perceive How Brave You Have To Be To Be A Black Tuba Participant”

    When showing on Late Evening with Jimmy Fallon in February 2011, O’Neal identified that the present’s home band, The Roots, includes a Black tuba participant named Damon Bryson, who additionally goes by Tuba Gooding Jr. In line with the comedian, that is very uncommon sight.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs Festival

    (Picture credit score: Simply For Laughs)

    “It is Exhausting For Us To Love You And Like You At The Identical Time… As soon as A Man Loves You, He No Longer Likes You, Normally”

    Whereas performing on the Simply For Laughs Pageant in 2008, he delivered some robust love about love itself. In his expertise, in the beginning of a relationship, the person genuinely likes the lady he’s with. Nevertheless, when he begins to fall for her, he can’t fairly like her the identical approach ever once more.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “Officer, My Spouse Is– Am I Calling Too Early?”

    For his One Evening Stand episode, Patrice O’Neal explains {that a} non-guilty man wouldn’t be as devastated over his lacking spouse because the dishonest Mark Hacking gave the impression to be earlier than confessing to her homicide (through NBC Information). As a substitute, he would name 911 after three days – the primary of which he would marvel if she was dishonest; the second of which he would think about calling, however could be afraid they may assume he was responsible; and on the third, he may name however would marvel if it was too early.

    Patrice O'Neal giving Jeff Ross a hard time at the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “Jeff Ross Is A Legend. His Funniness Is A Legend, However After I Say ‘Legend,’ I Imply A Fantasy”

    At any celeb roast, it’s customary to throw in some jokes on the expense of the man roasters. At The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen, Patrice O’Neal introduced probably the most warmth to the dais and one in every of his most intelligent insults was directed towards the Roastmaster Normal himself, Jeff Ross.

    Patrice O'Neal performing in his stand-up comedy special, Elephant in the Room

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “All I See Is Her Head. How Lengthy Does That Take To Kick Off The Observe? Let’s Go!”

    O’Neal had a bit through which he brazenly admitted to often being a little bit of a jerk and provided a fairly morbid instance. His commuter practice’s route was delayed thirty minutes as a result of the practice by accident struck and killed a lady, which initially had him shocked earlier than questioning why it will take that lengthy earlier than the practice may maintain transferring.

    Patrice O'Neal perfomring stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “Here is How We’re Gonna Treatment All [Diseases]… The Entire World Votes On The Worst Ailments From 1 To 100, And You Cannot Get [Yours] Cured [Until]… The One Forward Of It Will get Cured First”

    This quote comes from a bit through which he explains why he believes it’s egocentric for celebrities to lift funds to learn a illness that they’ve over one thing probably worse. That’s what offers him the thought for a democratic rating system of diseases.

    Patrice O'Neal performing in his stand-up comedy special, Elephant in the Room

    (Picture credit score: Paramount / Comedy Central)

    “My Recommendation: Run, Get House, Really feel Responsible, However Be Alive”

    One bit sees Patrice O’Neal describing how a white man, so as to keep away from seeming racist, must look ahead to a Black man to assault him as an alternative of working away from what he could assume is hazard. The comedian believes {that a} white man ought to go along with his intestine and be secure, even when he seems to be mistaken and regrets it later. He then makes use of himself for example, claiming that if a gaggle of bald white males approached him, he may bounce to an unfavorable conclusion.

    Patrice O'Neal at the Just For Laughs Festival

    (Picture credit score: Simply For Laughs)

    “I Imagine In God After I’m On Planes”

    In his stand-up, O’Neal claimed to have an unenthusiastic strategy to faith. Nevertheless, he did place confidence in God, particularly when he was about to journey 30,000-40,000 toes within the air.

    Patrice O'Neal performing stand-up comedy on One Night Stand

    (Picture credit score: HBO)

    “The Physician Did not Go, ‘Mr. O’Neal, If You Ever Eat Brussel Sprouts And Spinach Once more, You May Die”

    When speaking about his diabetes, the comic reveals that he finds it hilariously ironic that he was identified with a illness that stops him from consuming the meals he needs to eat.

    Patrice O'Neal performing in Patrice O'Neal Live

    (Picture credit score: 800 Pound Gorilla Media)

    “I am Watching A Discuss Present. They Had The 1,000-lb Man On… I am 300 Kilos. That Means This Dude Was Three Of Me And One other Dude With Pneumonia”

    Patrice O’Neal had a such a intelligent approach of inserting himself into his materials. For that, I miss him.



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