Some individuals grew up with Jay Leno because the host of The Tonight Present from 1992 to 2009… after which once more from 2010 to 2014. A era earlier than then knew him as one of many brightest, most energetic stand-up acts of the Seventies and Nineteen Eighties. Let’s check out a few of the funniest issues that the comic has stated from each eras of his profession.
“Let’s See How You All Really feel In 30 Years”
That is the very first thing that Jay Leno stated because the host of The Tonight Present after coming into the stage to enthusiastic applause from the viewers. It’s meant to reference how legendary late-night speak present host Johnny Carson emceed this system earlier than him for an unmatched three a long time.
“Fb Was Down Right this moment… Individuals Had been So Bored, They Apparently Began Opening Up Actual Books!”
On this Tonight Present monologue bit, Jay Leno jokes about how some individuals might need reacted in the event that they have been pressured to go with out one of many world’s hottest social media platforms, Fb. Whereas I personally want literary leisure is the choice that most individuals would flip to, I think about extra would simply discover one other telephone or pill app to waste their time with.
“I Was A Philosophy Main For 4 Years In School. Had Goals Of Opening A Little Philosophy Store Once I Bought Out”
Throughout his set on the Simply For Laughs Pageant in Canada in 1978, Jay Leno displays on his collegiate profession as a pupil of philosophy, and takes the possibility to poke enjoyable at what little likelihood of an expert profession such a serious usually grants individuals. A minimum of his philosophical experience contributed to this joke.
“The Economic system Is So Dangerous In California, Mother and father In Beverly Hills Are Being Pressured To Increase Their Personal Kids”
On some events since leaving The Tonight Present (for the second time), Jay Leno would go to 30 Rock to “faucet in” and take over the monologue for Jimmy Fallon. One such time in 2016, he instructed this joke reflecting on the West Coast’s financial state of affairs that imagines rich Californians not having the ability to afford a maid to take care of their households for them.
“Electronics Specialists Say, By The Yr 2009, Individuals Will Be In a position To Watch TV On Their Cellphones. They Say Their Objective Is To Create The Most Annoying Particular person Ever To Sit Behind You At The Film Theater”
It’s really fairly scary simply how prophetic this Tonight Present monologue bit would change into, and never only for the rising quantity of people that want to look at movies on their cellphones. The quantity of people that nonetheless use their cellphones on the movie show is grotesquely astounding.
“It is So Chilly That Rapper Ice-T Turned Into Ice Dice”
I think about that this Tonight Present bit from Jay Leno is not the primary pun reflecting on the scientific properties of the gadgets that impressed rappers Ice-T and Ice Dice’s stage names. It doesn’t make it any much less humorous, although.
“A Fishing Pole You Carry Round In Your Pocket. The place Are You Probably Gonna Use This Factor? Like, You are Standing In Line At The Films: ‘We Bought A Few Additional Minutes, Honey. No Sense Shopping for That Costly Sweet. I’ll Simply Catch Some Bass'”
Some of the uncommon innovations to come back out within the Seventies was the Popeil Pocket Fisherman, which is, certainly, a fishing reel that you may take with you on the go. After all, in his stand-up routine, Jay Leno can’t assist however level out how impractical the product is in idea, contemplating how the one time you would want a fishing pole is on a fishing journey.
“TV Information Is Now Thought-about Studying In America. When Did This Occur? I Assume It Occurred The Identical Day Ketchup Grew to become A Vegetable”
In Saturday Night time Reside‘s eleventh season (which was the one season for many forged members that 12 months), Jay Leno took to the Studio 8H stage because the host for the primary and final time. He opened his monologue with this joke during which he expresses his shock that TV Information, which primarily consists of tv listings, was probably the most extensively learn journal in the USA within the mid-Nineteen Eighties.
“Individuals Who Put Hand Blowers In Washrooms By no means Assume That You Would possibly Need To Wash Your Face”
Whereas air blowers often is the extra environmentally pleasant choice to dry your arms with in a public restroom over paper towels, Jay Leno has an awesome level about why the latter choice additionally has its advantages. In his stand-up routine, he elaborates on the burning impact it might need on an individual’s face and the way it may even soften their retinas in the event that they have been to aim to dry it.
“I am Jay Leno, Your Host, At Least For A Whereas”
In one of the crucial notorious debacles in tv historical past, Jay Leno initially left The Tonight Present in 2009 and was succeeded by former Late Night time host Conan O’Brien, whereas he was given his personal self-titled present at 10 p.m.. Nevertheless, after disappointing scores, NBC requested O’Brien to maneuver to the 12:05 a.m. time slot with a view to carry The Jay Leno Present to 11:30 p.m., which he refused, resulting in his exit and Leno’s return to The Tonight Present. This was the primary joke from his night time again after the extensively coated state of affairs.
“New Jersey Officers Are Encouraging All State Staff In New Jersey To Lead More healthy Existence As a result of The State Is Spending Too A lot Cash On Well being Insurance coverage. In Truth, They Say The Healthiest Factor You Can Do: Get Out Of New Jersey”
New Jersey has taken loads of warmth from late-night TV comedies, together with on Jay Leno’s iteration of The Tonight Present, on which he instructed this joke on the expense of the Backyard State and its medical insurance price range.
“Most U.S. Automakers Will Start Equipping Most Of Their Automobiles Now With Automated Trunk Releases… They Say This Is Anticipated To Save The Lives Of Over 2000 Mob Informants Per Yr”
I think about there have been many mobsters, and even serial kidnappers alike, who have been deeply upset by the announcement that fashionable vehicles would make it simpler for his or her victims to flee from the trunks of their automobiles.
“This Is What Killed Carl Senior”
In a recurring Tonight Present section known as “Learn the High-quality Print,” Jay Leno reveals (pretend) hidden disclaimers on common services. For example, this punchline is what the positive print says on a Monster Thick Burger from Carl’s Jr.
“Tennessee Has Handed This Roadkill Invoice. It Permits You To Eat The Roadkill You Run Over. So, Now, If You Go To Tennessee, You Can Not Solely Get Quick Meals, You Can Additionally Get Not-Quick-Sufficient Meals”
I have to admit, I applaud the writers of The Tonight Present for giving Jay Leno one thing a bit extra intelligent to say about Tennessee’s roadkill invoice than only a remark about how disgusting the style of tire tracks could be in these meals, which was my first thought.
“Why Is It That UFOs By no means Land At MIT Or UCLA? They All the time Land In The Center Of A Swamp The place Bob Bookey And His Cousin, Weenie, Are Out Fishing”
In his stand-up routine, Jay Leno factors out one thing that isn’t solely a trope from alien invasion films but additionally a commonality amongst alleged UFO witnesses in actual life. I’ve little question that there exists an alien invasion film the place the otherworldly race makes contact with somebody exterior of any rural areas, nonetheless.
“Toyota Introduced That They Are Introducing A New Model Of The Common Prius. They Say This Will Be A Smaller, Much less Highly effective Model. Thank God For That. That is Why I Did not Purchase The Authentic Prius. I Was Intimidated By All That Energy”
With all of the automobiles that Jay Leno owns, I’m stunned there’s not not less than one Toyota Prius someplace in his storage.
“They All the time Search You For Weapons. I Imply, You Stroll By An X-Ray Machine, They Open Your Baggage, And Then You Sit Down To Eat And They Give All people Steak Knives”
Jay Leno provides to this tidbit of airline humor from his stand-up set by mentioning, “You carry your individual steak knife, you get 20 years.”
“Vanilla Ice Bought Punched Out Throughout A Live performance… That Was His First Hit in Years”
Jay Leno instructed this joke about Vanilla Ice again within the late ’90s. Nonetheless, the rap artist and one-hit surprise agreed to seem on the present in 2010, so I suppose there have been no onerous emotions.
“My Spouse And I Go To The Grocery store. We Purchase $128 Value Of Groceries, And The Clerk Says, ‘You Need A Bag For That?’ ‘No, We’re Going To Eat It Right here'”
On one event, Jimmy Fallon invited his Tonight Present predecessor, Jay Leno, to carry out an “indignant rant” in the course of his monologue. One in all his funnier feedback includes the apparent query that each grocery retailer clerk is required to ask.
“Actually? Is That What I Need? My Automobile Calling The Cops On Me?”
That is Jay Leno’s approach of explaining why he has little interest in utilizing OnStar. Nevertheless, I believe a person with as many automobiles as he has may gain advantage significantly from it.
“Individuals Had been Camped Out To Get An iPad Final Week. I Know, Loopy, However Their Mother and father Had been Glad They Lastly Bought Out Of The Basement”
Not each tech junkie is an unemployed social outcast nonetheless residing of their childhood dwelling. Nevertheless, one has to surprise how they managed to take off work to get in line for the iPad’s launch within the first place.
“The Value Of Fuel In California Is Going Loopy. In Truth, Right this moment I Did One thing Sensible. I Purchased A Gallon As An Funding”
Jay Leno could also be onto one thing right here with harboring gasoline by the gallon. In actual fact, I think about this can be a respectable approach of constructing a private revenue off of fuel, so long as you may let go of it earlier than it goes unhealthy.
“In accordance To A Latest Survey, Guys Say The First Factor They Discover About A Lady Are Her Eyes, And Ladies Say The First Factor They Discover About Guys Is They Are A Bunch Of Liars”
I’ve little question that there are many males who can actually declare they discover a girl’s eyes first. Nevertheless, I might additionally agree that lots of the males who took the survey Jay Leno mentions right here doubtless stretched the reality.
“If You Pay $250 For Sneakers, Your Toes Are Smarter Than You Are”
As a part of The Tonight Present’s “Learn the High-quality Print” section, that is the finely printed message attributed to Adidas’ actually costly Sensible Sneakers.
“When U2 Performed A Live performance In Seattle Over The Weekend, Bono Slept Over At The Home Of Invoice Gates… That is One thing You Do not See Each Day: Screaming Ladies Outdoors Invoice Gates’ Home”
Contemplating how Invoice Gates and Bono have famously been good associates for years, I think about it isn’t that uncommon to see U2 followers parade across the Microsoft co-founder’s property.
“A TV Psychic In Saudi Arabia Might Be Beheaded For Training Witchcraft And Sorcery. I Guess He Ought to’ve Seen That Coming”
OK, this Tonight Present bit could be somewhat merciless, however I’ll admit that anybody residing in a spot that also outlaws witchcraft may wish to search a career that doesn’t even remotely resemble magic.
“Dick Cheney Was Hospitalized Monday As a result of Of Chest Pains. You See This? They Say The Downside Was His Coronary heart Hasn’t Labored In Years”
Throughout this stint as the USA Vice President, Dick Cheney’s mortality was an everyday subject amongst late night time speak present monologues, as mirrored on this Tonight Present bit.
“Arizona Not too long ago Handed The Hardest Anti-Immigration Invoice In American Historical past. The Thought Behind This Invoice Is To Drive Unlawful Immigrants Out Of Arizona And Again To Their Homeland Of Los Angeles”
Jay Leno used to host The Tonight Present from Los Angeles, which, primarily, makes him certified to inform this joke.
“In accordance To The Social Safety Administration, The Most Common Child Names Of 2016: Noah And Emma. The Least Common Child Names: Donald And Hillary”
This Tonight Present joke comes from one in all Jay Leno’s visits to Jimmy Fallon’s set in 2016, throughout which Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump’s race to the White Home was all the fad.
This Tonight Present monologue bit from the early 2000s could also be giving Andy Rooney a tough time for his age, nevertheless it does precisely replicate his place at 60 Minutes, which was primarily to complain in regards to the variations between fashionable occasions and his heyday.
“The UPN Community Has Introduced They’re Doing A New Actuality Sequence That Will Observe Amish Youngsters… The Community Says, ‘The Amish Will Not Discover This Present Insulting.’ Of Course They Will not Discover It Insulting. They Do not Have TVs”
It’s curious how individuals who don’t watch tv would comply with be topics of a tv present.
“Ted Kennedy Launched [John] Kerry As The Comeback Child. That Used To Be [Bill] Clinton’s Title On The Marketing campaign Path… As a result of Each Time He Would Come Again To A Metropolis, He’d Discover Out If He Had A Child Or Not”
Irrespective of how a lot time passes, I think about that jokes on the expense of Invoice Clinton and his infidelity throughout his administration won’t ever get outdated.